| forever too long |
[Feb. 24th, 2006|04:23 pm] |
I'm going nuts. I mean really. Nuts. My brother in law wants to kick my ass for some unknown reason. apparently i stole from him o.O but enough of that. i'll be on island shortly my friends (affiliates, contacts, etc.) so yeah. hopefully i'll see you guys soon.
if i survive..XD |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 1st, 2005|07:45 pm] |
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If you read this and know where i live feeeeeel free to come by sometime. Specifically a certain person i havent seen in a looooon time with 8 letters in her first and last name *stares* HI o.O i miss all you poeple and would love to see you. I DYED MY HAIR BLAAAACKCKCKCKCKKC so yeah. Come and see ^^ |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 12th, 2005|10:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Silence by the No Noise Boys :p | ] |
Well, i think im losing it. Finally after all this time, the deed shall be done. I cant wait ^o^
Sooo yeah, ive been working with me mum and making money. Its been a lot of fun. I also made a bong o.O it works, and its fucking KILLER! Got to play with a Saws All, and make screens o.O. andddd now, i write a poem
Searching, endless searching, through boxes, drawers, closets. Of all places, it had to be that one spot, with everything he wants to forget. But lo, it cannot be, for the memories are his to bear, oh how they break him, and now, after so long he has given in. Given in to the grief, to the madness, to the pain on his weary soul as he wanders from hour to hour, wondering if it was really worth it. Alas he unclasps the blade, the thin white line of solace that only need meet his throat for satisfaction. A quick zip, and his new red necklace grows upon his chest. Dying his clothes as his necklace grows, the little red dragon soaked in its deep red richness. Soon he is covered as the fireworks in his eyes darken the sky. How he smiles as he feels the tiny pinpricks in his toes, the way he feels so free of himself. The way the gravity pulls him to the floor is like a bath, a clean feeling of happiness spreading through his slowly numbing body. Hitting the floor only sends him soaring into the sky, away to a place where he can finally be at peace. Slowly his necklace seeps across the floor, forming a crimson puddle around him. Covered in what made his life go on, he sees it on his fingertips, and his eyes turn cold, unseeing. The echoes of his age fall in on him, and suddenly he's at that house, 6 ways down on that street of joy, seeing her sit there, unaware of what has befallen. Oh to put his arms around her, to smell that smell again. The smell of love, the smell of life. The smell of that person like a flower, almost like a flower..
o.O People, dont freak out about that poem. its just writing, not a "suicidal potential" orientated...thingggg lol |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 12th, 2005|12:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | N/a | ] |
My birthdays coming up.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2005|05:16 am] |
Perhaps i should inform you guys..when that check comes, we're moving. Probably to the UK..
BUT its gonna take a while, the day that check arrives, we're leaving =(
In other news, 4502184 people were flabbergasted at...the spoon coming out of the harbour..W00t :p how is everyone? im Fucking DANDY!!! i met this neato girl in ze UK!! shes awesome ^^ and she said she'll show me around once i get over there! w00t! things are finally lookin up..
I MISS YOU TIFFANY!! and you too TASHA!!! and! well..not so much, but bah! who gives a fuck! im 18 next month biaaatch! wooohooO! time to start living life! |
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| poems ive written |
[Apr. 17th, 2005|04:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
Falling Angel
Tumbling down with broken wings, blood and feathers falling from my back. The pain of one thousand tortured souls running through me, their screams, their agony, their anguish. Burning inside me is the hatred for what they have turned me into. A mere shadow of what i was before, i tumble for what seems like an eternity, over a vast expanse of blue. Of all my regrets, i wished instead that i had turned away from the slaughter, away from the death and destruction brought forth by my hand. Instead, i wish i had gone to her, showed her that i was more then Death incarnate. But lo, i loved the pain. Alas it has taken my wings, and now i tumble into an ocean of hatred and retribution, where the souls i have gathered may finally rest in peace. I see the water coming up at me, and i close my eyes and see her face. That oh so beautiful face as i feel the spray of water on my skin. Here it comes, not much time now. From my pocket i pull a single lock of hair, and grip it tight.
Impact, he is no longer living. Only a feather floats upon the surface, hoping to one day find its way to her..
Echoing Quiet
Steady rivers of crimson flowing down the arms of that boy with blond hair, flowing from a break in the young mans wrists. Rivers of pain flow from eyes of deepest blue, dulled by a broken heart. Broken and soulless, laying in the kitchen corner, his broken heart in pieces on the floor, the happier times of life playing before his eyes. Suddenly a door slams way off in the distance, in a place thats hardly real any more, like a dream gone wrong. Suddenly, the floor spins, and he's found himself cradled in the arms of that one sobbing person, the one who can take the pieces on the floor and return them to their proper place. A quiet whisper, he barely hears it as warm drops start to land upon his pale pale face. It gets colder as she cries, as she wishes, as she begs with God to undo what he has done. Focused on those eyes, so golden and so beautiful, he half smiles, his strength failing fast. Holding tight the pendant she'd given him months before, he shivers in arms once so warm. Barely able to talk, he struggles to find the words she so desperately wants to hear. "i..love..you" he shivers "with..all" he gently closes his eyes "my..."
He lay still, cradled in the arms of the girl, so beautiful. An echo of sobs is all that breaks the quiet.
Despair
Suffication,a million rocks tumbling down to smother the light of hope, each one a grief filled memory. Once happy, now wieghed with heartbreak, they fall and fill the hole, sealing the boy inside, his heart smashed to a million pieces of loneliness and despair, with no way out. Left broken and alone, he lay unwanted and shattered. Crushed under the wieght of all his pains, he sees a light. A warm light, the light of hope, he walks toward it full of relief. Little does the boy know that the light at the end of the tunnel is really a frieght train coming his way..and everything fades to black..
The Heartbreaker
So they come, dressed in black with weary weeping faces. Their eyes are red, their thoughts are empty, their minds are empty spaces. The come to mourn the loss of life thats befallen them this day, a boy who once was happy, at least thats what they used to say. When he took upon himself the gun that blew him all apart, he had a note clutched in his hand, on it a broken heart. He knew his time was coming, got sadder, he couldnt last, and so it said beneath the broken heart was his epitaph "This broken heart of mine has been blown through, Do not weep for me. I only broke my heart again, but now the pieces you can see. I scattered them from my breast, on that day it rained. I took the gun and pulled the trigger to rid myself from pain." They carved it on his gravestone before they brought it their. They all remember him so happy with his golden hair. His kind words he'd give to people always made them smile, so let us go now to his grave, we'll sit and stay awhile. We'll see all the crying faces, you wouldnt know it but its true, but as he died, his final words, he was saying "I love you". Only one knows who he meant, and that person, shes standing over there. Shes the one he loved the most, with her long brown hair. What no one knows, shes died too, but all she can do is stare. She reads the words again and again, and yet the never change. Thats the tale of The Heartbreaker, come now friends and wipe your tears, and now we'll turn the page...
Behind the Mask
All the sleepless nights ive spent, thinking of what i did to you, knowing how i shattered your heart, knowing how i broke that sacred bond. Its warped me in a way no one can imagine, you only see what was once the shell of the man you loved. Take a look behind the mask, look deep into the twisted soul of loneliness, with the heart of ice that feels no warmth from love. Still it beats within my breast, but im still dead inside. I dont feel like me any more, I've put the bits and pieces ive found back together. Take a look behind the mask, deep into my soul..and you will see the crying boy, collapsed under the tree he could not see through tears and memories. Inside he still needs you, inside, i still need you..look behind the mask, and you will see the empty places where my icy heart and twisted broken soul once were..and put them there again..so i may break the chains that hold this mask upon me, so i may love once more.
Dead on Arrival
Sirens ringing in my ears, confrontation with my fears, with bitter remorse i start to curse, i never thought it would get worse. First it started, before i'd sleep, now im cutting very deep. It always made me feel good, like i should be doing this, it takes away my memories of that one last kiss, before she said goodbye, before those nights i cried, cutting away at my arm, choosing to keep quiet with my physical harm, but now its fading from grey to black, beyond where i could come back. I loved her till my dying day..The report at the hospital..DOA. I never thought i'd kill myself, i'd never thought i'd die. Thats what i had told myself when i cut and cried. Now dead on arrival, my spirit moves on, my thoughts now memories, forver and on.
Just thought people may be interested, hope you guys like them. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2005|02:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | across the universe - beatles | ] |
Every one of those people out there that care better give Heather a big thank you for talking me out of it -.-; Everyone else tried to get someone else to deal with it (except you tiffany). now i know who really cares -.-
And so the pieces fell, and shattered into oblivion.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|02:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mad World | ] |
Wow writing in this livejournal is almost pointless cause no one comments..i need more friends XD
Keep the old friends, replace a few with the new..
Do i deem you worthy? only time will tell
she asked me not to die..every minute it gets harder.. |
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| Well.. |
[Apr. 5th, 2005|01:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Graven Image - Sonata Arctica | ] |
ive been home for a few days now and well, things are..different..but thats to be expected after like, a month and a half of being away. But i kind of like being in attleboro..its...nice. Calm, quiet, but not the echoing quiet of nantucket. I couldnt hear a single thing walking home from tiffanys tonight.
lol i walked into some bushes and scared the shit outta myself XD it was interesting..only got scared cause i was playing Castlevania. OOOOO! i got a new lizard! shes a Bearded Dragon named Puff ^.^ shes cool! and she chases marbles.
Lili came over to see her. She just keeps getting more and more beautiful..the kisses were a bit rushed but hey time is of the essence, and no one seems to have enough.
I dont have soup in my pants, its STEW! w00t..its now 2 am and i dont know where my children are..
The perogie said to the bacon "pig" and so the bacon called him Irish..
Someone come and take me away from here please, its like..pleh! i dunno, its wrong >.< or its probably cause i have no one to cuddle with..or tell me sweet things..
Oh by the way, perogies are like big pasta pockets filled with po tay toes..
reply to me and i will:
1: Tell you what i love most about you
2: Give you an Epitaph
3: Tell you what i hate most about you
4: Tell you what your going to be when you grow up
5: Give you a silly nickname
6: Calculate your score
7: Give you a company name
Have fun folks, and remember, water flows uphill, but sperm flows out..or in..or down your throat..ew..
And then a girl comes along who makes me feel so good..But shes young..whats a man like me to do..
and now, to end this night with some poetry..
So they come, dressed in black with weary weeping faces. Their eyes are red, their thoughts are empty, their minds are empty spaces. The come to mourn the loss of life thats befallen them this day, a boy who once was happy, at least thats what they used to say. When he took upon himself the gun that blew him all apart, he had a note clutched in his hand, on it a broken heart. He knew his time was coming, got sadder, he couldnt last, and so it said beneath the broken heart was his epitaph "This broken heart of mine has been blown through, Do not weep for me. I only broke my heart again, but now the pieces you can see. I scattered them from my breast, on that day it rained. I took the gun and pulled the trigger to rid myself from pain." They carved it on his gravestone before they brought it their. They all remember him so happy with his golden hair. His kind words he'd give to people always made them smile, so let us go now to his grave, we'll sit and stay awhile. We'll see all the crying faces, you wouldnt know it but its true, but as he died, his final words, he was saying "I love you". Only one knows who he meant, and that person, shes standing over there. Shes the one he loved the most, with her long brown hair. What no one knows, shes died too, but all she can do is stare. She reads the words again and again, and yet the never change. Thats the tale of The Heartbreaker, come now friends and wipe your tears, and now we'll turn the page...
I hope you like it, have a goodnight.. |
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| Shiesse |
[Mar. 3rd, 2005|12:15 am] |
I just read Sabrial, Lirael, and Abhorsen (TIFFANY YOU GOTTA READ THE NEXT TWO BOOKS) and they kick ass (By Garth Nix - Great writer, shit ending though..) theyre a good read. phone sex XD w00t..
i really dont know what to write o.O ive been staying at my sisters for a while sooo...yeah its been..boring o.O not in a bad way, just a boring way lol.
I MISS ALL YOU COOL AWESOME PEOPLE DOWN IN NANTUCKET (and all over the place) I HAVENT TALKED TO IN FOREVER!! |
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| Hey whoever can help |
[Feb. 16th, 2005|03:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  i wish.. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Under the bridge.. | ] |
I need boxes, a bunch of em. enough to fit all my stuff anyway. im gonna start looking for a place to live. Cause i want out of this house. Off this island if i get lucky..
Take me all the way..
Virginity for sale! ill start the bidding at 400 bucks |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 16th, 2005|01:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Very Very Angry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Godsmack | ] |
You better fuckin go away *headbangs* |
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| well |
[Feb. 12th, 2005|12:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | fuck.. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | type 0 negative | ] |
no more running, no more hiding. Lili, and julia (even though you wont even read this) i really AM sorry. There is no possible way to prove it. There is no point to should'ves though, so im going to go with the next best thing.
I fucked up, i fucked up bad, and nothing can change what i did to you, and for me doing that, im twisted up inside everyone..
You dont know the hell ive gone through.. |
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| meh... |
[Feb. 11th, 2005|08:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Keane - Somewhere only we know | ] |
Valentines day is coming up..guess this another one of those days..
What am i supposed to do..everything is so confusing, none of it makes sense any more..what happened to me.. |
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| My leg hurts.. |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|02:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Please Fuck Me remix | ] |
well mom is off island for the day, and well, i have the WHOLE FUCKING HOUSE to myself and NO ONE to come over and do naughty shtuff with ^.^;; whatever guess i gotta deal...i should throw a party. with loud music. but i have no alcohol. save for a little kalhua in my room. and no weed. Tis a shame really..all this lack of parental supervision and no one take advantage of it with..
Ive been chillin with Zeke-o (meh dog) and its been fun. we played tug of war for like half an hour XD then he demanded a belly scratching.
The blackened heart beats within his breast..
Silly slashing slaying soup sandwiches saying stumpy stillettos, stabbing strange sock shaped swordfish, so so sad, sitting silently seeing silently..slowly..in sorrow..
i refuse to wear tights while i eat my soup god damnit, and I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.
someone come and take me away...
Looking down from the roof above, only one question runs through his mind..Jump? or dive..?
Ever so lonely..ever so lonely...i need you now..but still you can not come.. |
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| Doobie Doobie Doo |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|01:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bidbibodi bidibu | ] |
I got me a cool dancin guy seeeee? isnt he awesome? Well, im making pop tarts and decided to update. i dont know but since i was broken on sunday, im incredibly happy with no worries on my brow ^.^ its crazy, i feel like im on some kind of drug. But then again im smoking again now, and well. things just rock ^.^ still horny though =\ XD |
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| what to say, what to say... |
[Feb. 6th, 2005|12:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | gloomy | ] |
Well, nicks spending the night. its 12:38 am and i am officially stoned. i need to get drunk to block out my bad memories. Happiness is but a small dose, it doesnt last long. But when its there, it works. But alas, i am down again..why do i torture myself like this...what do i do >.< now heathers mom heard the whole thing and wants to take away the computer and..and im just..i want an escape... |
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| lost.. |
[Feb. 4th, 2005|10:51 am] |
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where were u when i needed you... |
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| meh |
[Feb. 4th, 2005|10:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | multiply it by 70.. | ] |
After very little thinking, ive come to the conclusion: i give up. im going away now..no one, NOTHING anyone says is going to change it. im sorry you guys i just cant take it any more..i've started cutting again.. |
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